apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
