I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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