ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
