At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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