so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
