i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
And then he peed in my hair
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