guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
