Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
