Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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