you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
