Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
