I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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