Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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