Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
