a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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