PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
