yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
