3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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