Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I am mentally ready for anal.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
