I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
