Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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