We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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