if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
the raccoons are back...
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