Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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