Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
