My nipple is on Facebook.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
