You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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