It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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