when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
