Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
