I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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