mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
