dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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