based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
