His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
