I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
