I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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