Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
