I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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