WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
