Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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