literally had 100 drinks last night.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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