Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
