I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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