I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
