i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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