If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
