Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
