I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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