I got her a Nickelback box set.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
